So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
