I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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