I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
