He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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