she was so not down for the gang bang
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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