The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
