i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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