remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
