I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Found your dick twin last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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