I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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