Whod you bang
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
