I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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