no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
