Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize