I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
