Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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