just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
