You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
