rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
