she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
