we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
