i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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