Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
