now i know why i became what i already was.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
third nipple confirmed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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