they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
