So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
