How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
