i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
