he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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