one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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