I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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