So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
