dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
