i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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