If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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