discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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