Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
