I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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