His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
