The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
