I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
