New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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