someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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