dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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