everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
