I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
