I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
