I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
