I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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