my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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