So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
