Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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