When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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