My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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