Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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