Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize