i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
