Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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