I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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