the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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