I think I won the penis lottery.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
