Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
