I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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