my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize