So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
