I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
