Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize