I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
