For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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