So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
