Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
