I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
