normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's the barista slut.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
