Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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